so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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