i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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