you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
