So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
