I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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