Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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