Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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