operation harelip BJ is a go
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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