I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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