please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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