you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
