so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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