I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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