yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
