im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
