just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
