I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
