I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
