Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
