He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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