So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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