somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
