Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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