Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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