I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
