I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
