how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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