I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
