there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
