john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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