i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
