im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Someone came in the potted fern
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
