Michael Bay diarrhea
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
