Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
