Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
