no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
