She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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