You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
