He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This baby is an asshole
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
