last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
