I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Less talking, more tequila
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
