I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
