we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize