Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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