She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
