Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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