haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
