omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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