He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
