please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
