This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My Sexting was not on an AP level
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
