yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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